Her (7 out of a 10)

A sweet little ride through a non-apocalyptic future. I prefer pillaging and scrounging in the future and the thought that all the fish and bees will be long gone and humanity will be on its last peg leg waiting to die. But this is ok too.

Classic man meets sexy operating system AI Sleepless in Seattle with some strange sexytime thrown in for the tweens.

It follows a predictable love story pattern. What stands out most is the setting. It was shot in Japan to look like a futuristic American city; presumably clean, bumless, and full of whites. It is a world where most people are casually cool with humans dating robots even though Futurama taught us all what that could lead to:



Throw in a dash of a quirky job of 'writing' handwritten love letters for other people and a little of this guy:

and you got yourself an Oscar nominated film right there.

The Oscars are a little thin this year. Blue Jasmine was quite bleh. Honestly Gravity has pulled at the ole heartstrings and brainbone more than any other film.

Last of Us (9 out of 10)

Best game I've played in years.

The skinny: it's about 20 years since zombie doomsday and things aint so bad. There are governments and police and people eat ok. But the governments are gestapo-esque and everyone is jews, and while there is food everyone is food as well. You are on a mission that requires you walk all over the god damn place (seriously across several states and over years) to meet the radical Firefly group.

This game is beautiful.

If you are like me and hate missions in games where you can't let some weaker being die or else the mission is over and you have to restart, don't worry, that girl is full of kickass and you never have to worry about her.

My favorite parts were walking around and listening to her talk or occasionally she would spout something like "doopsy dop doo doo" from her noise hole.

The story and voice acting are the reason to play the game through in one or two nights. The game play is a 5 (if I had to find another palette to drag her ass across 10 feet of water..). Fight scenes are meh and the controls just aren't very intuitive. There was one point where I put the game from 'normal' to 'easy' and from not autolocking targets to autolocking them. I wasn't in it for the shooting I was in it to see where the hell this was going.

You can upgrade your weapons and your abilities but since this game play isn't that great I wouldn't worry too much about it. I upgraded them because that's how I do with games. My constant fear that keeps me up all through sleepless nights is that I missed some plant that would give me 5 extra points. It haunts me.

As a side note how do you all go through RPG's or adventure games' dungeons? I always go right and go to the room on the right and follow that procedure to make sure I don't miss a single thing.

I was a little harsh earlier, the gameplay is a 6.5. Just why couldn't she get on my back and I swim her the 10 feet across, huh? Women.

The measure of a good game or movie is how long you think about certain parts of it after you are finished. I never think about Cooking Mama (anymore) but I constantly find myself recalling scenes of this game and wondering how I would have reacted if things went a little bit differently. And when the expansion comes out (I want to say Feb. 5?) I'm going to get it.

Call of Duty is porn. Last of Us is substance. Never forget that kids.

Weight Watchers (9 out of a fat 10)

From the source (the old handbag) "First diet I've been on that I don't feel deprived."

"I don't get the science behind it."

"I eat cake all day."

Dallas Buyers Club Pt. 1 (6.5 out of 10)

Not a full review just a theory

You add Jennifer Garner to a movie you subtract 3 points.

Matt Mchonahoo (what the fuck ever his name is) = good job.

Dan Reeder - Work Song (fucking 10 out of 10)

Great fucking song.

Gravity (8.5 out of 10)

Sandra Bullocking = 8.
George Clooneying = George Clooney.

I was quite skeptical of this particular movie. Don't get me wrong I love space movies. If they took Ashton whatever and Jennifer whosits and made a stupid love movie like they did, I would say bleh. But if at the end they zoomed out and it all took place on Mars I would say, "ooooh, look what they did there. Oscar."

It kept me entertained the entire time, it made me sadface, it made me laughface, and it made me anxiousface.

It really made you realize the power of the human spirit to blah blah blah.

I was kind of hoping that the bad guy (i.e. inanimate debris) would win out in the end.

Also Calvin and Hobbes is a 10.5 out of 10 all day.

This picture (9 out of 10)

That macac (I'm pretty sure that's what it is) is in it to win it all.

Bonus Picture:

This one hits home.

Owning a Fucking Beagle/Labrador (6 out of 10)

This is what they look like. Mine is all brown with a little white stripe going up his nose. (If you see him let him know that he has a family at home that loves him and doesn't blame him for the divorce.)

I've heard from multiple sources and can confirm myself that all they do is chew shit all day and night. Plus, these things have a nose like a great white shark and can smell food before you even bring it home from the store. Or think about making a grocery list.

This one pisses in the bedroom like he owns the place and has eaten more pairs of knock off shoes than a great white shark ever would.

They also have tails like a slavedriver's whip (I reference slave drivers on those old viking ships that had all white prisoners) and knock over children and trashcans like it's their job.

They are also crafty devils that know how to slip leashes and know that if they hide in the back corner under the bed where I can't reach him long enough my fury will eventually subside. (The Eagles don't make new albums every day!)

However, they are very loving and cuddly and are good with kids. In our house the rule is if he bites you, you bite him back. He plays rough with me and leaves marks but is careful with the kids. Though if they are rough housing he wants to play too and comes in like Wolverine when some asshat bear gets killed.

He is learning and he eats everything so there isn't ever a worry about saving food for the kids in Africa.

His name is Romo. After Tony Romo. Because, Go Cowboys.

Also, he has an unnatural affinity for pig's hooves which are like $1.18 a piece and last quite awhile.

Gone Home - PC (7.5 out of 10)

I played this game because IGN went bananabread crazy and gave it the PC game of the year and I think overall game of the year, but I'm not sure and I'm not checking again because that'll take all my bandwidth.

After I anti-aliased it and put the quality down to medium (then low) I was able to walk around and pick up things without losing my mind.

The overall atmosphere is pretty good. A rainy night in a purple world apparently, a college aged girl coming back home to find an empty house and a note on the door from her sister.

It would seem pretty open ended as though you can travel anywhere in the house you'd like but since doors are locked you are forced into making decisions (and nobody should be forced to do anything (especially that).).

Since the story is the whole reason for playing the game I won't get into it. There is the main story then the rest of the family's troubles and trials and tribulations all come to the surface as you rummage through the house and apparently through the note-writingest family in history.

It's set in 1995 and the thing I liked most about the gameplay is that in about 5 or 6 rooms you can pop on a cassette tape and put it into the player and listen to some pretty badass girl punk music: Heavens to Betsy, Bratmobile and some others.

You find keys and unlock doors and you find combinations and unlock locked things. Nothing ever pops out at you and nobody dies but it's still a good game. And the story is told through notes, field reports, calendars, and the voice over of Sam (your older sister in the game, obviously. Unless your sister's name is Sam. Then I don't know.)

I beat it start to finish (and I'm a gamer who checks all the nooks and crannies) in about a flat 2 hours.

Well worth the play. I wouldn't say the game was innovative in any way. Bioshock started the whole finding tapes and catching up on the story sort of thing (which was awesome, play Bioshock if you haven't, the first one. Infinite was alright.)

The game did manage to dredge up some feelings inside my carapace that I didn't plan on dredging up. So, if you're looking for a good dredge, this is your game. Plus it's only 2 hours.

As far as how it got to be the game of the year over at IGN, I don't know. My guess is the head picker had some similar 90's punk relationship and it really spoke to him/her. I imagine the conversation was something like:

Head Picker: I'm picking Gone Home for game of the year.

2nd in command Picker: Oh. Yea it was a good game and all but there isn't really any replay value and it wasn't especially innovative.

Head Picker: I'm the picker and you don't know true love like I know it. I am Sam and Lonnie and they are me and it's Gone Home. Give it all the awards.

2nd in command Picker: All the PC awards?

Head Picker: And all the xbox and nintendo and atari. It wins games. *wipes tears* I have to write several letters chronicling my failed relationships and include several short stories I wrote in the ninth grade for reasons I'm not sure of yet.

The End.

P.S. There is also an erotic letter that Sam's sister doesn't want to read all of. So, when you sense that something erotic is in front of your eyes read really fast and let me know. I've heard how that sort of thing happens but I have no scientific proof. Yet.